To the Beat of Our Own Drum: 2014-04-20

      So, as I approached bedtime today, and my two oldest were still bouncing and shouting about, I could feel my insides screaming...."Downtime, Peace, Quiet already!!!" The thought that somehow over the past couple years, the kids' bedtime has shifted later by two to three hours, and I mean ALL three kids, makes my head spin. In fact, as I write this, at 11:06 pm, my 3 year old is STILL awake. Bedtime had never been an issue, and these boys expend the energy of roughly 10 monkeys each day. This amounts to 14-21 hours less time than I once had for regrouping time, even if it meant folding what seemed to be at least half the laundry we now acquire....we'll save that math for a time that my brain has more optimal functioning power. This doesn't include the 2-3 hour daily naps and three mornings that at least one child had been in preschool. During that time, there was more balance, ample time for housework, exercise, or just reflection. I was more rested, and consequently had more energy to exercise, plan and organize, and generally move through our day with more patience. I am definitely of the personality that I have an absolute NEED for periods of downtime throughout the day, even 5-10 minutes. Otherwise, I go into sensory overload, and it's not pretty. One of my biggest lifesavers is running. People marvel at my delight in running half and full marathons alone. I just respond that I look forward to those big chunks of peace within my own head. If the race is in natural surroundings, even better. The weeks of training bring camaraderie with friends, while the races themselves are the dessert of meditation. It is a gift my legs give to my mind.
     So now with the boys home full time, a choice we have not made lightly, I struggle at times of utter exhaustion to make sense of it all and develop ways to keep things flowing and balanced. Then, as life will have it, strong curve balls are thrown. We seem to recover from one, just in time to be slammed with another. I am finally realizing that there is no guarantee they will stop coming, as they really haven't yet. Some of these are enough to stop you dead in your tracks and become almost paralyzed. They can infiltrate your everyday activities and become heavy emotional weight. They make you yearn for the everyday stresses, as they seem trivial. The old saying "Inch by inch, life's a cinch, yard by yard, life is hard" comes to mind. I find my focus beginning to shift to the present, hour by hour. Because, during such times, looking ahead even a week. can create undue stress over oftentimes things with which we have limited control. Bringing my mind to the present takes my attention to what IS happening, what IS successful as opposed to the things beyond my control. I notice this same tendency with the boys. When they look at the big picture or long term goal, they become overwhelmed and freeze. They forget their current capabilities for fear of a perception of something unattainable or out of their realm of control. I help to bring them back before their little minds spin out of control.
     As a school student, I can still remember that feeling: too much to do, too little time. My time was dictated by what was deemed imperative to my future success by oftentimes multiple teachers and or professors. I had little control, and usually found myself studying, writing, working to achieve that "A". Mostly the stress was in vain. I have retained very little from those thousands of hours of angst and worry. As an infant, we don't go in to life with a rubric of skills to learn. We meet developmental milestones using the motivation of need and curiosity. We all learn to crawl (maybe,) walk, talk, self feed, dress, sing, and so on without being "taught or tested." We are intrinsically motivated to learn, explore and develop at our own pace. All through school, I had various computer classes, during a time period when technology was quickly changing and improving. I never did well. I had absolutely no interest in computers, and found even my Computers 101 class in college tough to follow. I stubbornly used my trusty word processor for all papers and projects. However, once I found myself in an environment in which these skills would be necessary, I was motivated by the need to maintain employment in my newly promoted position. I quickly figured out Windows, Excel, Microsoft Office, Publisher, etc. Much of the content from those prior classes had become impertinent to current technology. I had a personal vestment in the interest. In the years to follow, I've been able to teach myself or enroll in classes to meet additional skill needs along the way. Here I am with my own blog, running a photography business (requiring me to learn photo editing software and photography skills.)

I see the same process unfolding with the boys. My two oldest-no interest in printing or any activity utilizing a crayon, pencil, pen, etc. during the preschool years. The teachers were concerned, I didn't practice enough. My thought was I don't think the boys have a need to learn this at 4 or even 5. It holds no meaning to them, and pushing the issue would lead to frustration. We just continued on with typical fine motor strengthening activities-playdough, shaving cream on the table, beans, etc. Once there was a spark of interest, we then supported them in learning to print. Handwriting Without Tears has been an excellent resource with prewriting activities and a multisensory approach. They can often be found writing comics, printing up various signs with markers, and drawing till their heart's content. Now, my youngest....opposite. At three he's printing letters (all over the house-marking "his stuff",) using scissors with grace, and hole punching "tickets" for various train rides to far away places.

Handmade books made in Bookmaking class

   Along the same lines, we signed up my oldest for an online HTML coding class, knowing he had found the Scratch program fun. To me, the class appeared dry and boring in appearance, and I worried it would not hold his attention. Personally, it was not appealing as something I might want to take, but it was free, and we gave it a whirl. It would be the first "class" he'd be taking almost daily in his entire life. But, he is completely engaged with the class, and usually spends a great deal of time focusing on the class and finishing the assignments, even through some frustration...a big win here. He then takes additional time to tinker on his own with what he's learning. It has essentially swallowed his days in the past two weeks (in terms of any "learning activities.") I think the simplicity of the course appearance, combined with the audio/visual self paced aspects have become a perfect fit for him to explore this interest.
     So, when my mind wearily travels too quickly into the future and the fear of the unknown settles over, I come back to this premise. Trust in the present to move you step by step. Revisit with what brings you a sense of purpose. Set up small, attainable goals. Tough times will pass, we will learn and grow from them. Use time doing what is meaningful to you.